HAVING IT ALL – A Shift in Perspective

I have a confession to make.  I am sick to death of the trap of ‘Having It All’, which, loosely translated, means work insanely long hours, have kids and have a great marriage.  And it’s not totally a gender issue – men suffer from the trap too although women clearly carry the lion’s share of the burden.

First of all, asking the question, “how can I have it all” is actually asking the wrong question.  So, how about we dismantle the self-imposed, externally defined concept of ‘Having It All’? Fundamentally it means something different to everyone, it’s fluid/dynamic, not static and shifts with time and other choices.  It makes assumptions and ignores the hard-won choices people have fought for – like (per Penelope Trunk) ’to be a stay-at-home-parent, be bold enough to have a big career and forego children, be brave enough to suffer the shame of not earning your own money in a world that values money above everything else’.

The concept of ‘Having It All’ invokes living to someone else’s expectations, trying to prove something when you really don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, and comparing yourself to unrealistic measures – all a path of misery and self-destruction.

To me, it seems a healthier perspective to ‘Having It All’ is gaining inner peace and confidence (feeling good) with the choices you make in your life (whatever they are), having the courage to embrace the consequences that come with choices, and allowing yourself permission to change your choices along the way.  Whose life is it anyway?

A better question is “how can I live a conscious life of and on purpose with meaning and love, a life that matters”?  This concept invokes freedom from your past, the joy of self-expression, owning your personal power and giving yourself permission to thrive.

Check out the website, and see how you can learn more and integrate it into your leadership.

~Victoria Raymont